My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
