If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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