But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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