Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize