Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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