Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
