end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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