so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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