Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
