If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize