Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
