a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize