sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
