like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Another day, another engagement, another cat
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize