Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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