My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
