He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
