The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize