remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
