you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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