Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
