I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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