I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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