Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
