Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
