I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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