Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
