Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
