And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
