i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
