The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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