My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
