i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
