The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
