Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
