we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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