a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
