bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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