I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
