So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
