If that was your dad, he is hot
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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