Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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