But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
