Just fell off a train. Bad.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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