Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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