Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
