I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize