god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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