Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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