Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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