I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
