some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well you can't waste a boner
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
