Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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