You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
