What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
