I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
