i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
