i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
