The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
