Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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