so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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