The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
