hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
