Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
