Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
