Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
