i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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