just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize