so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
