Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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