I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
