watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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